I got this in the mail today, and it is so hilarious, it deserves to be presented as a WTF?! post. Enjoy!

Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won’tbother you for weeks. 

Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky … not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you shovethem down the stairs. 

Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather.  It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut save you $0.30?

Number 2
In the ’60’s, people took acid to make the world weird.  Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2007:
We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America, but we haven’t got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located.  Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.   

And the BONUS thought fortoday 

‘Life is like a jar of jalapeños .   What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow’. (Can you feel the burn CSL?)

Whiskers scanning for CCTV

At last! An honest politician! Blogs are abuzz with the latest revelation from someone I deem to be the bravest Malaysian politician ever. Eat your heart out Oppositions!

Now, we all expect the rest of his colleagues to follow in his footsteps, because he, unlike an American prez not too long ago, actually came clean almost immediately. So, let’s pray that in 2008, we see headlines like the such:

“Yes, I did blow her up”

“Yes, I pregged that 15-year old”

“Yes, I am a backdoorsman”

“Yes, I bought that jet”

and

“Yes, that ugly child is of my seed”

Now, since jokes are flying ever since the news broke, allow me to add one more.

Considering we’re a secular country according to some opposing E D yets, the moral issues of this reveleation should be pretty difficult to debate, due to a lack of standards. So, I’ll just focus on the health-related one:

DID HE WEAR A CONDOM?

Whiskers Spielberg

Sorry for the long absence, guys. It’s the end of the year and many companies are dumping their budgets into anything they can spend on, and training seems to be the favourite. I was running documentation workshops back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back… and phew, am I tired. The closing workshop was in Singapura last week just before Eid and for the first time, being there for business and not family visiting, it dawned on me that Singapurans are weird people.

I actually composed the latter half of this post on my phone as I was travelling to my client’s place via MRT. Thus, to commemorate my return from the land of fake lions, I present to you, the 10 Things You (Malaysians, that is) Didn’t Know About Singapurans!

1. They will line up around the block for a free newspaper, even if it means they’ll be late for work. (It’s not a cake forgoonessake!)

2. They can’t pronounce Genting properly (Jen-Ting)

3. Their stray cats have mostly been neutered and have one ear clipped to tag them (I wonder if Singapuran men who undergo vasectomies also have their ears clipped?)

4. When they speak of Malaysia, they usually mean Johor Bahru (”Perak? Where’s that?)

5. They think Malaysians can’t speak English.

6. S$200 for season parking is considered cheap.

7. They hate Phua Chu Kang (bit too close to home, I guess).

8. Many of their flats are larger than Malaysian condos.

9. They didn’t even vote for their own candidate, but he became the 1st Asian Idol anyway.

10. Their drivers actually stop at zebra crossings.

and a last one… just for the road…

11. They have no flies.

Majulahhhhh Whiskerspuraaaaa…

I decided to try my hand at the vocabulary game at Freerice.com and found that it was so addictive, I raked up 8000 grains of rice within an hour!

However, most of my answers were intelligent guesses and morpheme matching. For example, anything with ‘necro’ in it, has got to do with death, and ‘nefra’ is definitely kidney related, so you just look for the closest answer.

It’s not a truly valid test of your vocabulary, but it’s fun, AND you get to donate rice to those who need it. Keep going there when you have the time.

Whiskers: Rice of the machines

Today is the International Day of Disabled People.

Ask yourself if you’ve made this world a better place to live for your disabled family, friends and colleagues. We are one world. One heart. One body. One soul. A disability in one is a disability in all.

Handicap International Website

Missing a whisker…

Several Malaysians I’ve met automatically hear the word ’scam’ whenever I say the word ‘Nigerian’. It’s bad enough that the country is the most well known producer of fraud, but the fact is quite a few Nigerians are actually nice people.

I speak from experience myself, coming from the International Islamic University Malaysia. I had several friends there from Nigeria, whom I had the honour of eating, sleeping, praying and studying with. These are the people I would trust my life with.

Among them, Tijani was my best Nigerian mate. He’d saved enough to take him out of the country just so he could come to Malaysia to study. He spoke perfect English and Arabic and was studying Bahasa Melayu, so he could get a job here, just in case.

Outside of the nurturing walls of my university, I found that Nigerians was a dirty word, especially to those scameaters who regularly bait fraudsters. It didn’t matter where they were from. As long as they were black, and they had bad intentions, they were Nigerians.

Why my preceding story about Tijani? I had to make sure you understood the context of what I am about to write. Tonight, my wife and I were dining at Pizza Hut, in Mutiara Damansara, I noticed her watching a scene over my shoulder. So, I turned.

There he was, this huge black man in a green T-shirt, handphone in hand, chatting up a couple of Indian girls. I don’t know what skills he had, but the girls went from being suspicious to actually laughing at his jokes, to giving him their phone numbers. I know it was theirs, because he call-tested just to make sure. Innocent scene? I’m just being paranoid? Maybe, but this isn’t the first time I’ve seen it happen.

At cybercafes, busstops, LRT stations. Everywhere. These tall, dark casanovas are making a move on our women, and they actually have the tongue and equipment to do it! Go watch something if you don’t know what I mean.

Now, am I worried for our women? Yes. Why? Because I’m a mysoginist. But at the same time, I’m also worried for our men. True, the female population is rising. But remember this, they now have more options, what with all the Shah Rukh Khan and Denzel lookalikes running around (okay, maybe not as good looking).

But the point is this. Wake up Malaysian men! Enough of being metrosexual already! Fight for what’s your right! Pick up that club and let’s go drag some hair!

Seriously? You guys are on the verge of extinction. Bah!

Long John Whiskers

Help feed the hungry by playing a word game… Freerice.com’s vocabulary game donates 10 grains of rice for every answer you get correct. Since starting on 7 October 2007, it has since pledged 2.6 billion grains of rice. What that means in terms of weight, I’m not too sure. “How is this rice sponsored?” I hear you ask, according to their FAQ it is paid for by sponsors, and the rice will be distributed by the United Nations World Food Program. So.. just head on over there.. even if it’s all a scam (which I doubt it is), you’ll still learn a thing or two about your English vocabulary.

If you only watch one poignant and pertinent video this week, please watch this.

Found via Screenshots.